Why is PBSO so important?

Perinatal Bereavement Services Ontario is a non-profit charity that offers support to families and individuals suffering the loss of a baby through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth or neonatal death. PBSO, as we like to call it, gets no funding from the government and survives solely on the donations received from the public. Why are they so important? 

Imagine the joy of being pregnant and making lists and plans for the brand new life about to join your family. You choose names, you plan a future, you enjoy the precious silent moments before that bundle of joy changes your life forever. And then life really does change forever: you find yourself dealing with the loss of that life before it has really had a chance to begin.

Losing a pregnancy at any stage is absolutely devastating. It is isolating, confusing, unfair, and so, so scary.

In the summer of 2008, my husband, daughter, and I were expecting our second child. Sadly, at almost 20 weeks' gestation, we discovered that our baby had died in utero, and I was to be induced and deliver my deceased baby. It was a surreal, terrifying experience that I relive to this day.

I wrote about my story for the Yummy Mummy Club's Voices of Motherhood contest awhile ago. You can read my story, Living Through Miscarriage, if you like. I thought I would never get through those dark days. And now, almost four years later, that lost baby is still very much a part of our lives, and very much living in my heart. And I am now a volunteer member of the Executive Board for PBSO, working to make sure that everyone experiencing such loss finds a soft place to land with the help of the PBSO's extensive support and education services.

PBSO offers support to families like mine. Families (and individuals) who have no idea if their feelings are normal, or even ok to talk about. In the depths of my grief, I would have given anything to have known there were people there for me to talk to. And when I was ready to share my story, how I wish I'd been aware of their support groups filled with other grieving parents with whom I could commiserate. They also offer education programs to medical staff, family and friends about how to help when a loss has occurred.

Every year, PBSO holds a Butterfly Release Picnic. This year the event is being held on June 3, 2012 at Pickering Museum Village. They sell butterflies before the event, and on the day of the family event, we say some words to remember our lost babies and we release a multitude of butterflies into the sky to honour them. It's a very powerful event, and of great comfort to many. At this event, a silent auction is held to raise funds for PBSO.

I'm asking anyone out there to consider a donation of a product or service for this silent auction. Your contribution means that a family in need will never have to go without support. We're here for them. We can continue our education, our support groups, everything. If you have a company, we'd love to hear from you. If you have a blog and would be willing to link to PBSO, we would love that. If you're an individual and can offer a gift card, a product or anything at all, it would mean so much.

If you would like to make a donation of any kind, please contact me at alexandria.durrell@pbso.ca.

Your support means the world to me.

xo alex

Happy, happy, joy, joy. Right?

If I told my 20-year-old self I'd be sitting around at nearly 37 (omg, what? 37 already?) years of age Googling "yellow toddler poo", I may have re-thought some decisions. If you scan the search history on my iPhone from the last few days, I can tell you that it would be equal parts nauseating and fascinating, like a large pimple. And just as disgusting.

My daughter woke with weird red spots (not itchy) on her upper leg and a couple on her torso and back. They're not bothering her at all, but they sure bother me. My son has a strange tummy issue today. Of course, Easter Monday has been spent with my friend Dr. Google, trying to determine whether my beasts are contagious or if they're fine to attend school and the allergist (oh, fun) tomorrow. 

My kids had a wonderful Easter with three parts of our extended families. Three solid days filled with the requisite chocolate, marshmallowy-substances-of-questionable-origin and copious amounts of ham. Three ham dinners in a row. Their poor wee digestive tracts are paying the consequences today. 


I am sure my toddler has gone through at least five diapers on my watch, and another one before my husband even left the house this morning. Sour, mustardy, mucousy messes that make me gag and pity the poor little sugar-glutton. He has food sensitivities as it is, and the overload of salt and sugar likely has his system in overdrive. My job hasn't been glamorous today, to say the very least.

In addition to the sore tummies, they're both incredibly tired. They both napped today (an uncommon occurrence for my five-year-old) and are too grouchy to do much of anything.

Is this the stuff of which holidays are made? The pictures make it look so much more charming.

100 Lies People Tell

100. It wasn't me.
99. I'll only eat one.
98. I don't have time to work out.
97. I invented that.
96. I'm not good enough.
95. I need others to make me happy.
94. I'm better than him/her.
93. I'm not attractive.
92. My opinion doesn't matter.
91. If I had more money, life would be better.
90. I'll do it tomorrow.
89. I don't know how.
88. I'm not judging.
87.  It didn't happen.
86. Nobody cares about me.
85. I don't gossip.
84. I'm happy.
83. I'm sorry.
82. I forgot.
81. I made it from scratch.
80. It's just a small white lie.
79. I didn't tell anyone.
78. I'm fine.
76. I did it.
75. I'm fat.
74. It was just once.
73. I'm honest.
72. I don't believe.
71. I believe.
70. I love you.
69. I don't love you.
68. It doesn't matter.
67. It's not my fault.
66. Nobody cares about me.
65. I'm alternative.
64. I'm a great driver.
63. I'm not an asshole, I'm just opinionated.
62. I can't quit.
61. I'm in control.
60. My opinions are facts.
59. It's not me, it's them.
58. Nobody will know.
57. It's natural.
56. I've tried everything.
55. He/she would never do that.
54. I didn't forget.
53. It's over.
52. I tried my best.
51. I'm above that.
50. I hate drama.
49. I didn't do it.
48. I can't control my life.
47. I don't know.
46. I won't tell.
45. Your baby is cute.
44. No, you look great in those pants.
43. I didn't say that.
42. You're the first.
41. I saw nothing.
40. I didn't use it.
39. It was an accident.
38. I do.
37. I want to hang out.
36. I could have done more.
35. You look nice.
34. I like you.
33. I read that.
32. It's impossible.
31. I don't watch reality tv.
30. I like those shoes.
29. I tried calling.
28. I always floss.
27. I'm happy alone.
26. I write great poetry.
25. I'm not jealous.
24. It's all good.
23. There's nothing I can do for you.
22. I'm not afraid.
21. It meant nothing.
20. I lost track of time.
19. I like art.
18. Material goods equal superiority.
17. It's so great to hear from you.
16. You're great.
15. Your work is amazing.
14. I never drink.
13. I always mean to visit.
12. I'm a great singer.
11. Till death do us part.
10. I don't lie.
9. My kids are angels.
8. I'll be there soon.
7. I've never done anything illegal.
6. You're my favourite.
5. You're the best I've ever had.
4. I don't miss you.
3. It doesn't bother me.
2. I can't do it.
1. Just the tip.